Seeing The Light

hikkii

Aug 30

Once again getting some writing in at my favourite WeWork outlet while dailing in on a Zoom training (writing a blog will be the simpler multi-task activity as this training is till .... 5pm!)

The thing with long online trainings is that so much content gets 'dropped' onto you that you start to get restless/edgy - which is what I'm feeling right now ..... and causing me to 'overthink' some stuff a bit, which is bad habit I know, hmm

Anyway was deciding between a few stuff to write on for my month end entry before I realised this .......

Something that I jotted down as it came to my mind yesterday (Monday) morning

Not a literal 'light' but rather, a realisation that gradually came to me (when I'm finally ready to receive it).

I have definitely written about this before on this blog, most recently here (saw this as I did a quick look through my post history). Never did I realise this 'problem' of mine was running rot in my mind to such an extent that instead of building on something consistently, I ended up attempting to change things in my eagerness (sub-consciously) to be 'better-liked', to 'look aimable', to 'be a nice person to gain acceptance/approval of others'.

The part that I bolded in italic more or less confirms my gut feeling that I am most likely being 'manipulated' by someone whom I had thought had my best interests in mind (Note: not my family members nor my long-time school friends).

As I had confided briefly to someone about the above issue (that was bothering me for a bit recently), the answer that I was given is - just be myself & trust myself (and my instincts) more. Perhaps it may sound like a cop-out (if you are looking for a specific answer/solution to the problem). BUT Immediately after, that same person did something that exactly confirms what I've been feeling. Wham! What a discovery!

I was doing some reading online last week and this part on Manifestation struck me pretty deeply:

Unfortunately, speaking to too many people may results in your own watered down thinking. I have found that others will prescribe what they often think is best for you; this is when you need to be careful because they have their own biases and conclusions. In fact, I prefer conversations with people who ask hard questions and make you think deeper. I once spoke to a career coach and friend. He said, "I never like to prescribe and I never give advice unless it's directly asked. Instead, I asked pointed questions you need to ask answer yourself to find what you're looking for."

I found that immensely valuable. When you don't know what you want, how will the universe send it your way? Too many people want change, but they don't know what they want.

A couple of realisations/thought points here:

We are guility of talking too much / talking over people instead of asking more questions on what people really think + not giving them a chance to voice out their point of view.
We end up unwittingly giving unsolicited advice (that was never asked for to begin with) thinking we have the best intentions/best possible outcome in mind.
I guess we end up being vulnerable/sensitive & end up going with what people assume is the best for us without doing the more important + deep work of actually understanding ourselves better AND increasing our personal self-awareness in the process.
A total cop out by picking quotes/phrases here & there, putting them together to create a new narrative (that is different from the original meaning) and packaging it as advice/reasoning to do/not to do something.

Point 3 happens when the said person (when giving the unsolicited advice) tells you if you do 1 ... 2 .... 3 ..... like what he/says, your life will change for the better. And 3-4 weeks later (which was what happened in my case), said person tells you randomly/out of the blue the following - Hey xxxx, I've been observing you and I'm disappointed that you still remain the same, and have not changed at all, despite saying you would.

Bam! I should've seen this red flag coming back then (which I didn't ... but now I DO). If by chance you have read James Clear's Atomic Habits, you will note that substained change takes time, effort, and technique to happen. Won't go into details here, I also came to the realisation said person has also been picking facts here & there to quote them & throw me off track (yes I deem that as manipulation in its most silent & lethal form).

I'm actually digusted with myself for wasting so much time talking/gossiping with this person. When you take 1 hour X 2 conversations a week (on average) = 2 hours. 2 hours where I could've spent in the afternoon working on some useful/value-add content for my clients. Multiply by 4 weeks and you see where I am coming now. And all I have to show for this interaction is the bitter feeling that comes with feeling 'manipulated' and not any happier/feeling that my life has improved as a result of this person in my life.

So another learning point - don't waste time gossiping/putting down other people behind their backs when that time & energy is better used towards building more positive habits for yourself and/or actually doing something about your problem(s).

I also start to feel that while it is good to model after people who have done it AND acheived success, there is also a limitation to such 'copy and paste' approach. Which again - goes back to what I've mentioned earlier about - that simply doing 1 ... 2 ... 3 ... (as being told to do) will guarantee results/change. Its one thing to have an open and humble mindset, but if something does need to be tweaked/adapted - it shouldn't be taken as I'm being difficult/un-coachable right? This again goes back to the base point that we over-tell and under-ask to uncover the intention behind the WHY to begin with.

Going to get my last sip of beer before the beer tap closes at 6 ....... so that's all for now!

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