Because without it… like to say the truth to myself and acknowledging this fact, doesn't matter who I complain this to, nothing will change. The honest part was that after a week of vacation and even before that, I was not studying at all. It was laziness and procrastination. I don't understand why I am being like that and this. I didn't want this enough. Like I do but my excuse was maybe I won't like it as much as I thought. I always have to be my own biggest cheerleader to succeed my plan. With no excuse and motivate myself to feel like I can do it. That I can study and stick to the plan. I renew my study material subscription for almost 200 bucks and not having studied for a month is wasteful. I feel like my excuse was that I choose to be lazy and not do it.. I can choose otherwise. I just feel like there are people in my family that I telling me inadvertently to keep going and stop what I am doing. To quite falling short on my goal. I feel like there are that voices I'm hearing, truth or not, in my head. And I know I genuinely have to be strong to deny that instant gratification. And be strong to say no with a period. Perhaps politely but un-wavered. Just anyone can say whatever is easiest for you to hear but only the few will say the opposite of what you wanted to hear. I thought sometimes I chose not to hear to truth by finding the nonchalant person to maybe tell what was going on. This is what is going on my life and it is not at all like I was unhappy with the life I had going on. I was doing well. I really was. And it was better for me. Truly, it was. Let's get back to the rhythm/momentum again. When I hear people being successful or winning themselves, I got this sense that it was suck a cool story to say and talk about with ease. It was like they've made it. All the choices were beginning to feel like ok what's next. I secretly always wanted to feel like I have won myself. Which I haven't but I think it's super worth it even if the result wasn't as rapid fire. It is the pain and sacrifices. As well as being honest and those good stuffs are also contagious.
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